What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 00:14
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I did it because my mum asked me too!
What's an underrated/unknown novel or series that you think deserves more attention?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
And i lived it daily.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What is the most unwatchable movie you have sat through?
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
This is how, and why children get BPD.
But, we were locked up after school.
If you get a chance to have sex with either Kajal Agarwal or Samantha, who would you choose and why?
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was in good health!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Where can I sell naked pics of myself online?
They are buried together, in the same grave..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Why is there no evidence of a multiverse theory?
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
My life is so biszare .
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
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I have no regrets .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What do you say after "Hi" when chatting?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
What did i know ?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I couldn’t, believe it.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
We all went to grammer schools
I waited trembling.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Im still living with it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Would this be the day?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
My family never makes their pension either.
I think the readers, may guess!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
This is soul school!.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
But it wasn’t much.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Who then, do I blame.?
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
It was going to be , some day.
So, i spoilt her more .
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I was 9 years of age.
One cannot live in the past .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But ive been too sick for many years..
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was seconnd youngest,
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
She married twice! .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Was to survive, this bastard.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Ive learnt so much.
She found it foreign!.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
When she asked me how she looked .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I could never make a relationship work though!
All the time i was locked up.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I said to her
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
I will be 64.
Put me off passion for life!!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
She wouldn,t have been !
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
He knew the spot.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I don,t even have a pension.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
As i do to all so called friends.?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was very sick at this time too.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I never cut or harmed myself..
Especially a lifetime of it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Comes on , in middle age.
I was scared of men, in general
I write beautiful poetry .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
We were not on the streets..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
So whats the point in blame.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
She loved him until the end.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He resisted the act ,that day.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.